We need to talk about santa photos

This post might very well get me some eye-rolls, but that’s ok.

Stop making children get photos with santa if they don’t want them!

I was at the shopping centre the other day and watching two kids get set up for a photo with santa – they were maybe 5 and 2. The 2-year-old was bawling her eyes out as mum and dad plonked her onto the seat next to santa and then retreated back behind the camera to smile and wave and try to get that good family Christmas shot. The 5-year-old was ok but was obviously a bit muddled watching her little sister cry and parents smile and wave. I just felt a bit sad watching the whole thing.

Now I know, santa photos can be cute. And some families have traditions around these photos and getting them over the years. And it is just a once-a-year thing. Does it really matter if your kiddo gets super upset for a bit if you manage to capture a good photo? I suppose not. They’ll be fine – it is unlikely there would be any lasting damage.

But as with most things I write and speak about, I always want people to think about WHAT is happening and WHY it is important. If I write a piece about santa photos, you might rightly have a take-away message of avoiding santa photos if your kids are upset. But this stuff isn’t just about santa photos.

It is about being responsive to your child. Being respectful of their wishes, rights and ability to have input into decisions, ESPECIALLY those that relate to their body and sense of safety. Think about it from a little person’s perspective:

– You bring them to this cool looking space, and then tell them to sit down next to a stranger

– That stranger is a big man, wearing some unusual clothes, often with a face partially hidden under a beard

– You don’t know this man. They don’t know this man. And then you might move away from them and tell them it is fine, and to smile and there is no need to worry

That can be confusing and scary. And they are getting weird signals from you when you try to reassure them despite the fact that, objectively, the situation is confusing and scary.

But all is not lost for the santa photo! This is a great chance for you to support your child and show them that you can help them through tricky situations. So, you might:

– Talk to them in advance about what to expect. Ask them what they would prefer – you to be in the photo with them or standing off to the side

– Give them some time to settle into the idea of sitting with Santa before you might move away

– Be prepared to pull the plug on the photo and instead focus on making sure your child is able to enjoy the magic of Christmas by being with them, even if it means you don’t get that photo

Some people might think that this is all a bit Grinchy – and that’s ok! Your family, your choices. But like most things, it doesn’t have to be “one or the other”. Some of the above is also really important in many of the unfamiliar situations you are going into over Christmas, with extended family, work colleagues and a lot of social scripts around “what to do” that your kids just won’t be aware of

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At ConnectEd Counselling and Consultancy, we believe that all families, and the communities they belong to, benefit from a little extra care and support. Whether the problems are big or small, we want to make sure everyone has the chance to feel connected – to themselves, to others and to their community. We offer counselling services to young people and families and have immediate availability. If you need some support, get in touch here: https://connectedcc.com.au/book-now/

(Written by: Dr Matt O’Connor)