Are we just a village of individuals?

The old saying is ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ – but more than ever before, we are more isolated from others (despite being hyperconnected via technology). This is really tricky for parents, whether they are new or experienced, because we miss out on so many of the valuable social opportunities that come with connecting with others going through a similar thing to us (i.e. raising a child!).

One of things that I have valued in the early years with my daughter, is my partners ‘mummy group’, who have kids of similar age. There have been SO many shared experiences – one person puts a message out:

“Abby is going through a weird phase at the moment commenting on smells and being really intense about it”

“You too?! I thought it was just us”. Cue responses from most of the other mums

(that’s a true story by the way – from a few weeks ago)

The challenging thing as kids get older is their developmental trajectories start to get further and further apart, and so it is harder to have those shared experiences of challenges. But what this overlooks is the idea that the only value of connecting with other parents is to either a) complain about your children or b) have someone else tell you what to do. As your children get older, you are going to be learning, unlearning and relearning so much about yourself, about them, and about your parenting. It makes sense to do that alongside some others.

These are some observations/suggestion from my time working at a Prep – Yr 12 school

– Get to know your child’s friends parents. If nothing else, it is good to at least be aware of who they are hanging out with! But it also makes it more feasible you might be able to all spend time together

– If practical, be familiar with the parents in your child’s class. This gets harder as they get into high school, but is not impossible

– Rally together parents who might have a similar parenting philosophy on some of those big fight issues – technology, access to social media, underage drinking. Stand firm together so you can say “no, not everyone else gets to do it!”

– Say hello first. I find this hard because I am actually quite shy. But at an activity with other parents, see if you can be the one to make the connection

At ConnectEd, we would like to provide more opportunities for parents to connect and share their parenting experience, learning, success and challenges. If this is something you might be interested in, send us an email at admin@connectedcc.com.au and we can keep you updated.

Feel free to like and share this!

(Written by: Dr Matt O’Connor)