When it comes to thinking about what we want, there is a favourite analogy I like to use

Imagine you are being your own “character”, which represents the best version of you (lovers of role playing games will definitely get this). You have 100 points, and you can allocate them in whatever way you want, to the domains below. BUT. You can never have more than 100 points AND in some cases, you might actually lose points (perhaps due to injury/illness, a significant event).

In a game, those categories might relate to: strength, agility, speed, endurance

In real life, it might look more like:

– Family

– Significant relationships

– Parenting

– Friendship/social life

– Career/employment

– Study/education

– Personal growth and development

– Recreation/fun leisure

– Spirituality

– Citizenship/environment/community life

– Health/physical wellbeing

So you have your 100 points (remember – no more. And sometimes less if you’re not well, life stress etc) and you need to divide them out. Now you might not really care about some of these areas, so you give them 0 points. Or you might care a great deal about other areas, so you give them a chunk of points. But what you quickly start to realise is that those points run out pretty quickly. And it is at this point, that people start to recognise why they might be feeling overwhelmed, like they aren’t ‘doing enough’ or that they are dropping the ball.

This activity is overly-simplistic, in that we are constantly reallocating where we want to spend our ‘points’. But what I typically see is that people try to increase the points in one area, without acknowledging that those points have to come from somewhere. If you are getting smashed at work, then those points are coming off something else – maybe your family, or your health. If you don’t have a level of insight into how you’re spending your points, then it is hard to be able to readjust when you need to

So how do you spend your points? How do your kids spend their points? Do you need to do a check-in and realign how they are spread out at the moment? If our team of psychologists can help, please get in touch: https://www.connectedcc.com.au/make-an-appointment

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At ConnectEd Counselling and Consultancy, we believe that all families, and the communities they belong to, benefit from a little extra care and support. Whether the problems are big or small, we want to make sure everyone has the chance to feel connected – to themselves, to others and to their community. We offer counselling services to young people and families and have immediate availability. If you need some support, get in touch here: www.connectedcc.com.au

(Written by: Dr Matt O’Connor)